Salem's PLOT  

Posted by Alex Pendragon

It's diabolical. It has insinuated itself into my marriage and even now threatens to take my wife from me. It enslaves everyone it touches, especially females. It is insidious and you must believe me when I tell you that we are ALL in danger. Is it a cult? Is it a religion? Is it a FAD? NO!

It is................


Perhaps your wife (or even worse, your HUSBAND) has already fallen victim to this engaging, mindless game which sucks time down it's maw like a black hole. Perhaps you can't get near your computer to pay the bills, read the latest news on MSNBC, or post to your blog. You might have already heard suggestions concerning the purchase of a laptop, from the very person that previously made light of you even needing your desktop for any reason other than STUPID FRIVOLITY!

Well, our time has come, my friend. No, you need not put out an ad in craigslist at the local library computer for a deprogrammer, or call your local priest who in passing humor mentioned his prowess in now OUR time has FINALLY come!

For NOW we can get that graphics card upgrade, that larger or faster hard drive, the extra gig of RAM, or that faster internet connection that costs perhaps $20 more. NOW is the time to explain to her that the obsolete processor in your one and only computer is why it's taking so long for her to harvest her latest crop of grapes, and that one of the new dual core models might rock her FARM TOWN world and make her an agricultural rock star to contend with. NOW is the time for you to switch to Apple, while the iron is hot and you don't have to explain in maddening detail why a cheap, crappy PC just won't cut the mustard (literally) anymore, even at half the price. Suddenly, she (or he) WANTS you to get that 24 inch 3 gig core duo iMac with the terabyte of hard drive glory and 4 gigs of kick-ass RAM, with a graphics card that could run an IMAX theatre without even breaking a sweat. For now, speed is everything, what with all those crops to plant and harvest and plant and harvest and plant and.............


Before it's to late.............

Those servers are gonna start melting down any day now.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 1, 2009 at Monday, June 01, 2009 . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

2 slick comments


June 2, 2009 at 12:20 PM

And I thought all the silly stuff on FaceBook was bad enough. Hopefully even if retirement gets too boring I will be spared this decline, HAHAHAHAHAHA

June 7, 2009 at 10:29 AM

Post a Comment