Posted by Alex Pendragon

When I was younger I was a connoisseur of fine conspiracy theories and predictions of the end of the world. Having had to get on with my life and just forget about all the bad things that could befall a world, my concentration eventually wondered off those rosy subjects and resumed the fine art of living.

Then I discovered, when I had the time to even notice, that the world had gotten totally fucked up environmentally while I was busy getting married and advancing my myriad "careers" and attempting to garner all those material things that living in a democracy demanded you garner if you were a true capitalist worth his salt. Not much time had passed after I left my adopted home of Alaska for the final time when I discovered that one truly cannot ever go home again, because global warming has pretty much fucked that far-northern wonderland I loved so much. I now live much further south in a hot, humid pile of sand over run with human beings whom for the most part I detest being involved with, if only due to their apparent inability to see the doom they so happily are participating in bringing down on all of us.

And, as if it could not possibly get any worse (knowing the world is going to end badly enough, thank you very much), I have been noticing these programs on our new satellite television which examine in excruciating detail all the prophesies that portend our ultimate doom, as foretold by Nastrodamas and the Mayans and their damned calender which ends on December 31st, 2012. According to all these fine folks of yesteryear with their unique inside track to the future, this is indeed the final day of mankind, even without the return of one pissed-off Jesus, ala' Armageddon.

So if anyone might wonder why my mood is a bit off these days.............

Yes, as a young Catholic, I did indeed lose some sleep over the promise, as told to me by the evil nuns, that the world would be destroyed by fire, perhaps even within my own lifetime. Then the U.S. and Soviet Union decided to threaten each other with very big bombs for decades (the very young and impressionable years I spent growing up) and THAT robbed me of even more sleep. Later, I came across the convoluted predictions of Nostrodamas, who if you interpret his quatrains according to what history has revealed, could very well have predicted every bad thing that ever happened from his time to well past this one. I was still very much a victim of indoctrination into dogmas of just about any sort that made the slightest bit of sense to a yet-to-be-well-rounded mind, thus all this conspired to make me believe that our days were numbered, one way or another.

So many decades and events have come and gone, and the end of civilization has not transpired as predicted so many times by psychics, prophets, scientists, and con-man evangelicals thirsting for the end times. Yet, that ONE very important date remains to haunt me, despite my logic screaming at me to just IGNORE it like I should have all the other scare stories of our times..........2012.

You see, one thing that comes with soaking in all the wonders of the universe is the realization that this planet and everything that lives upon it exists entirely thanks to a very narrow set of accidents that places it in the right orbit around the right star at the right time with just the right tilt and with a nice little moon in orbit around it that is not to close and not to far, along with a whole mess of other happy happenstances which allows life to exist and evolve and result in me sitting here at a computer typing this post. However, it will only take one out of a whole host of natural occurrences to totally erase this wonderful existence of ours, such as a meteor strike, a really energetic solar flare, or something beautiful yet very deadly shooting out of the galactic center and sterilizing this whole solar system. The fact that this planet has lasted in it's present life-friendly state this long is a testament to the idea that some sort of divinity actually DOES exist and likes us, at least for now.

Yet, according to the Mayan calender, all these fun and games and puppies and kittens and blue whales and purple mountains majesty ends in the year 2012, just three years from now. Exactly HOW it all ends and even what "ENDS" means exactly is not revealed, but there are no days to scratch through after that year, period. Perhaps the Mayans actually thought that they would exist as a society up to that point in history, and knew somehow that there would be nothing beyond that point to record on anybody's calender, and thus they ended it there.

There are two things I have to look forward to from this day forward, and neither one gives me much pleasure. The obvious future I see is the disaster that mankind has visited upon his one and only home, and I have my doubts as to our ability to pull ourselves back from the brink. The other, much more final fate I sense and dread so much, is this arbitrary date set for our demise, which is so similar to the dates that spelled the end of the dinosaurs and other epochs that almost resulted in the total extinction of life on this planet. 2012.

Perhaps this will only be another upset of the order, and renewal of the entire ecosystem that this planet has been subjected to throughout it's history. You have to admit, the extinction of the dinosaurs was bad news for them, but paved the way for mammals to get to work and evolve into creatures that could play the blues and paint the Mono Lisa. Perhaps we have had our time and just didn't make the grade, and thus it is time to make room for another organism to take it's shot at sentience. Maybe those tube worms around those hot vents on the bottom of the ocean will find life on this planet much more pleasant once WE get bitch-slapped and taken out of the equation, and get to evolve into another stab at higher intelligence, only this time actually a HIGHER intelligence that doesn't resemble or act like Rush Limbaugh.

If I have to die, perhaps horribly, it's the least I can hope for..............come 2012.

This entry was posted on Saturday, September 12, 2009 at Saturday, September 12, 2009 . You can follow any responses to this entry through the comments feed .

3 slick comments

I think we must take this straight to the bored Aztec deities, for your peace of mind and the peace of mind of my daughter The Spare.

At least if the world ends in 2012 I'll only have to pay for one college tuition.

September 14, 2009 at 5:28 PM

Great post! Rush will probably try to blame the "liberal media" for the end too.

September 19, 2009 at 4:26 PM

What say we meet for coffee some time in 2013?

I learned something about the Mayan calendar while in Mexico but can't remember the details. Best I can remember things were organized in cycles of 50 and it just happens that a cycle ends in 2012 and the next cycle wasn't created. Hmm? Wonder if they keepers of the calendar were interrupted by the conquistadors?

September 22, 2009 at 11:53 AM

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